Let Someone Know

There are moments in our life where we do something so little, we wish we could do so much more, but maybe in the end it still means something.

Last night was one of these moments.  I found myself running down a dark sidewalk, in the cold rain, following an old man, who was hobbling and holding his knee with a broken crutch.  I had never met him, but yet I ran after him.  Why?  My heart ached to help him.  Through the eyes of the city, he is the lowest of the low, the poorest of the poor, a man who contributes little, but needs so much.  A man who has to dig through trash once everyone else has gone safely into their warm homes, with their bellies full,  just to strive to stay alive.  The city is sleeping in their soft beds, except for him. 

I have no idea what his story is, and I don't even know his name, but I know he matters.  He mattered to me last night and if I see him again, he will matter to me again.  Why?  He is a life, he breaths, he has feelings, needs, and maybe even dreams.  

In the end, maybe it looked crazy chasing after someone, unknown, in the rain, but I think it would have been even crazier to know I can help someone and not.  Stop, take time,  and
let someone know they matter.

Do Toddlers Know?

There is a little man who walks around with Cheerios stuck to his pants, sleeps with a car in each hand and drools on the top of his shirt. Sometimes I want to ask him how much he knows, but since he emphatically tells me stories in only a language he understands, it is a guessing game at this point.

If I could I would ask him:

When you saw that sweet little grandma lady smiling and finger waving in your direction; did you think yup perfect timing to put on the show stopper to get me what I want?

Do you realize when we share food your portion is about 5 times smaller than the portion I give myself?

Do you know that sometimes while your sleeping I sneak up to take a peak and I think about how much I love you?

If he knows that no matter how many floors he draws on, items he drops in the toilet or boogers he tries to wipe on my shirt;  I love every moment spent together?

Do you know, little super hero when you lay your head on me, pat my back and sneak up to kiss my cheek that you have the super power to dissolve my heart into a million pieces?

His little foot taps to the beat, his little hands clap to the rhythm and each day I wonder what he will learn next.

What Buying a Block of Cheese Taught Me

One day, heading home from ballet class with two tired kids in tow, I decided that I just couldn't return home without a block of cheese.  It would be the perfect touch to the recipe I had in mind for dinner.  I whisked those two tired kids, complaining and whining, into the grocery store, thinking I would be out in no time at all.  In 10 seconds flat I had grabbed the cheese and was headed to the check out.


Somewhere between entering the store, finding my cheese and getting in line, a stray dog had gotten scared and ran into the electric sliding door, jamming it closed, in such a perfect way that no one could squeeze past.  How a stray dog can jam an electric door closed like that is still something I find bewildering, but anyhow, it happened.

There I stood, in line with my block of cheese, two tired kids and no where to to go.  Perfect time for watching others.  Life is a lot about how we choose to react to it, and here are some of the reactions I saw in that moment:

The Joker
The guy in line behind me claimed this title as he stood there joking about the whole situation; from the people trying to pry the door open, the stray dog, who had caused the catastrophe, walking around freely outside and of course the lady trying to cut everyone in line didn't escape his attention either (we'll come back to her in a minute).

The Fixer
This is the person who thinks every problem has a solution and that the solution just needs to be found.  This guy kept giving pushes to the door, from this angle and that, all the while checking over the sliding mechanism for a third, fourth, and hundredth time.  Sadly he gave up after awhile, although we were all hoping inside he would find the solution.

The Line Cutter
This lady, who was at the back of the line, after everyone got tired and relaxed there grip on their spot, decided to take advantage skipping right in front of everyone (like anyone was going anywhere fast).  I guess she thought the door would just magically open for her as soon as she got checked out.  I'm actually not sure what she was thinking.  One possibility was that she deserved to cut because she is some kind of special.  Or, that she simply was an opportunist who saw a quicker way to get herself out faster (you snooze you loose!). 

So what did that block of cheese teach me?  Life is unpredictable, and at times unchangeable.  I can't control the way people around me react to things, but I can control the way I react to them.  Also, sometimes things don't end up exactly as I expect them to.  In the end, forty minutes later, as I left the store with my cheese in hand,  a little voice beside me said, "You got your cheese Mom.  Success!"

One Big Spoonful of Determination

One Big Spoonful of Determination
To all of those who are or are about to find themselves living in a different place, standing in a kitchen to take on the challenge of cooking in another country, this post is written for you and those who remember what it's like. 

Honestly, I have never considered myself to be an aspiring Martha Stewart, or even close.  My favorite recipes consisted of which cans, boxes and packets I could get my hands on. The more boxes and cans I opened, the more often I wanted to cook that recipe. What happens the day those boxes, cans and packets are no where to be found?  I give you my experiences of cooking in another country.

While packing all of our belongings, saying goodbyes, and flying across the ocean, the thought of cooking and what an adventure it would be didn't cross my mind.  Greeting me our first afternoon in our new country, head still foggy from jet-lag was a little girl with hungry eyes and a pleading voice.  This was the day it all began.

First thought, I can do this, how bad can it be?  I went to the grocery store.  Check.  Felt very proud that I found something to cook.  Check.   Went home with the spaghetti sauce and noodles in hand and a smile on my face.  Check, check.  I began what I thought would be the first of many delicious dinners in our new home.  If we're honest, though, we'd all agree that our first meal in our new home was far from the way it played out in our heads.  This particular spaghetti dinner was better in the trash then in our mouths. 

Somehow after facing defeat I put that apron back on (well not really, but it sounds dramatic) and set foot back in that kitchen, more determined than ever to be a conqueror.   My moral is up.  Then comes the fantastic task of  realizing that I need to figure out what all the ingredients in the local language.  Even though I like to think that I mastered all those words after one trip to the grocery store, the reality is that Google translate became a dear friend. 

Translated list in hand I go to the store, and there make a couple discoveries.  First, I not only get to go to one store in order acquire everything, but several.   Second, there are some ingredients, that no matter how hard I search for, I will never find.   That leads me back to my dear friend Google where I search for substitutions or alternative recipes.

So no matter where you find yourself today; getting on an airplane soon to land for the first time in a new kitchen, or maybe your an accomplished veteran-travel-chef looking back and laughing, or perhaps your local grocery store switched things up on you unexpectedly.  One day you will find yourself with a list of recipes that work, people eating and enjoying your food and realizing that the most important ingredient to cooking in a new situation is this: one big spoonful of determination. 

Moments of Sunshine

                                                    Moments of Sunshine
"Mom I just want to feel the sunshine.  I can't believe how much I have missed it."  was not something I thought I would hear my five year old daughter say to me.  After growing up in Africa and living in the warm sunny state of Texas, moments of sunshine were always taken for granted.  They would come and go as my thoughts come and go and just like my thoughts they would always be there.  However, after moving to Europe moments in the sunshine are special, cherished and many times missable.  All it takes is one cloud to cover the sun and you might not see it again for weeks.

There are moments in our life that are like moments in the sunshine.  They light up our life, make us feel warm and happy inside, they happen unexpectedly and it is a mystery when they will happen again.

 Walking my daughter to school one day as she soared through the park like a pigeon who was on hyper drive; an older woman stopped me and asked me if I was her mother.  Tricky question at a time like that, but still I claimed every ounce of that hyper, pigeon-acting, girl.   After a brief conversation with this delightful stranger, she reached into a plastic bag and pulled out homemade baked pie, freshly picked mint leaves and handed them to me.  She told me they were for my daughter who was so full of life and love.  As I walked away smelling the freshly picked mint leaves in my hand and thinking about the sweet stranger I had met, that is is when I felt it; the sun was shining on me.

How many moments of sunshine have I had in my life that I have so easily forgotten?

Each moment of sunshine is special, warms my heart, I miss them when they are gone, but I do not want to take them for granted anymore.  What is a moment of sunshine you wish to never forget?

Bravery Unknown

                         Unknown Bravery

Looking at her you see long, "golden" hair blowing in the wind, bright eyes filled with emotion, curiosity about the world around her as the word "why" comes out of her mouth about 20 times a minute, cutest smile that begs you to smile along and when you put it all together one dainty sugary princess. 

What you can't see when you look at her, is her bravery.  Bravery defined by hugging her one and only puppy goodbye as he welped for her not to go, the moments spent hugging everyone she loved goodbye with undefined strength, and with courage set foot day after day into a room filled with no one who spoke her language.  Brave girls walk home through tear gas from preschool saying "well that was really smelly stuff" or walk past a pack of barking street dogs and state "well you know, I bet they love the sunshine today."

Hidden under the bows, and the tutus is a heart filled with bravery which has been formed through moments which required strength, tenacity and above all bravery. 

Bravery for a princess is not found in what she wears, or the sword she carries, no bravery for our princess is how she survives the moments when her heart is tried. Cheers to all those brave princesses taking on their worlds.

I Wouldn't Have Wanted to Know

 I Wouldn't Have Wanted to Know

One year ago we boarded a plane with a four year old girl carrying her favorite doll, and flew off into the unknown.  Sitting on that plane, I remember wishing that I could somehow know a little bit of what the future had in store for us.  Now, looking back in hindsight, I can say I wouldn't have wanted to know.

 I might have thought that it would all be too hard.  I wouldn't have wanted to know that just a month after hugging our friend from this part of the world goodbye, she would be brutally murdered, leaving her children without a mother.  I wouldn't have wanted to know that every day for six months I would have to drop my daughter off at school as tears streamed down her face and she clung to my neck.  I wouldn't have wanted to know that one morning in November I would wake up to think that I had lost my baby and mourn for him like I never have before. 

I wouldn't have wanted to know these things because I would have focused on them instead of the beautiful things we had to look forward to.  Our friend would have still been killed, my daughter would have had to go to school anyway, and I could have suffered complications with the pregnancy anywhere.  Now, seeing my daughter wave goodbye with a smile on her face as I leave her at school makes it okay.  Hearing her carry on in the language with other kids makes it more than okay.  Hearing how much she loves her school and friends makes it great!  We've gotten to watch her play in the snow, pick beautiful wildflowers, and see the glow of the sun as it sets on the mountains.  We've tasted homemade baklava in friends' homes, and sipped coffee with them in cool little cafes all over the city.   We got to welcome a healthy baby boy into the world for the first time, the same little baby that I thought I had lost.  We've held him till it felt like our arms were going to fall off.  We've kissed his little face thousands of times, until he begs for mercy. We've watched him grow and develop a personality all his own.  We know that our friend is in Heaven, and one day we'll get to hug her and tell her how much we fell in love with this land of hers that she spoke so fondly of. 

As for the future, I am glad that I don't know it.  Hard days will always come and go, the incredible days will be remembered forever. Cheers to another year ahead of us!